Lamp

I went to IKEA yesterday and bought a new lamp for the living room as the one that was there is about as old as me.

Now, I was in a quandry as to whether to buy a lightbulb or not as it was a screwy one and not the two-pinned ones popular in the Chan household. Nonetheless, I took the chance that one out of 70 bulbs would be a screwy one.

Did my gamble pay off? Nah, all 70 are two-pinned.

Bugger. Arse.

Squirrels

I've been snooping around my house and found more stashes:

8 boxes of tissues
250 sanitary towels
70 spare lightbulbs
100 bottles of water

Why?

The dangers of living at home

Right, I need to leave home as soon as possible for two reasons.

1) I will get incredibly fat if I stay any longer.
As I mentioned yesterday, we eat a lot in this house and today was no exception. Total food intake for today:

two weetabix
three egg and crab sandwiches
a Chinese dinner including duck, broccoli, fish and rice
a smoked salmon sandwich
(3) bangers and mash

2) I will expect people to come with subtitles.
Due to spending so much time in front of the computer and not knowing anybody around here, I keep in touch with a lot of my friends through msn. So, when I meet people in the 'real' world, I'll be staring at their midriff expecting smileys and msn shorthand.

Food: the stuff that glues the Chans together

Rarely does my whole family spend time together, mainly because VP is 16 and therefore prefers the company of her MP3 player than the rest of her family. Today however, we all went for Wednesday lunch (Sunday lunch on a Wednesday because it's cheaper), and then onto Tesco to do some grocery shopping.

Then we came home.

Not particularly eventful but very telling in its own way. To be a Chan, you must live and breathe food.

I came home and my mum prepared some squid for some meal in the future. I had a muesli bar, my sister prepared fajitas for dinner, my mum ate some chicken balls, king prawn balls and pork balls, I ate some Singapore rice noodles, my mum prepared some crab - for some meal in the future - and then put on some maris pipers to make my dad some bangers and mash for his 12am feed.

I think between us in one day, we eat around 16 meals a day. You don't need counselling, families just need food.

JC no like speed and efficiency

So as I blogged yesterday, I went down to London for an interview today. I met up with the luscious Paul, the ever-immaculately groomed Yuki-chan and the delectable Stephen Jones for some J-food. As ever the table talk turned to smut.

After some lovely ten-don, I went for my interview at the NUS and thought it all went rather well - if I do say so myself. I then made a mad dash for the train back to Paddington to catch the last 'cheap' train I could, although it turned out that the train didn't actually exist as I had been led to believe, and I had to pay a surcharge. This was after sacrificing the joy of lugging home another whole roast duck for my parents.

So anyway, I get on the train and I get rejected somewhere between Newbury and Castle Cary; by dialing 123 - you have reached the 3 answer service...

As I said, JC no like all this speed and efficiency marlarky.

Big elastic band

Tomorrow I go back to London as I have an interview. I need a giant elastic band. Has anyone got one?

I'm not going crazy, there is indeed a link between the two. If I had an elastic band, I wouldn't have to buy a train ticket at such short notice and so, I wouldn't need to need to fork out £37 (with a young person's railcard!), and instead could just slingshot myself across the South of England.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee...!

Jenny the Scav

I have resorted back to the Jenny I was at university. In those days, I had a very strict policy when it came to birthday presents. You either got
a) a birthday card but no wrapping paper - though if I was feeling generous, I'd wrap it in my 20p Guardian
or
b) no card but cheap wrapping paper

Now, on the day of VP's birthday, I have still yet to wrap her presents but when I do get round to it, it will indeed be in the Guardian; a freebie from the Graduate fair I went to on Wednesday.

Someone give me a job.

Feels like ages, my darlings...

Right, got back to Cullompton this morning and am officially back on the jobhunt. So far, I've checked my emails, eaten - twice - and checked out everyone's blogs. I'm so efficient.

What's been going on? Well, I went to see the doctor and from my blood tests, they have found that I have swelling somewhere in my body. Next step is to find out where the swelling in.

I had an interview with Bloomberg which completely bombed. It was blatantly obvious I had no interest in finance whatsoever when in response to, 'Why do you want to work for Bloomberg?' I said, 'I like the atmosphere'. Oh dear.

Went to two careers fairs. Not much to report except I have a few more pens and somehow Paul blagged a free massage.

Had the pleasure of visiting Jamie and Eleanor up in Corby. They were excellent hosts and dutifuly fed and kept me lubricated / inebriated for four days. Incidentally, I would like to add that you should never trust Hilton when in comes to navigation. We went for a short walk through the woods and ended up:
walking through what looked like no-man's-land
walking through a random field with bemused horses,
through brambles,
around a golf course,
along an A road with lorries hurtling past at 60 mph,
back into a field,
over a barbed wire fence,
through more thickets and brambles
to end full circle back in the wee village of Weldon after a 10 mile hike. That lad never got his orienteering badge.

My travels culminated in lunch at Misato with Yuki-chan, Mary and Paul. Talks included setting up porn vending machines in the UK, opening up Virgin-off - much like hard off except with ex-virgins - selling used condoms in Britain and discussing the prospects of sleeping with Mary-chan if she had a sex change. Topical debate all over a nice plate of katsu curry.

JC, house doctor

Even though I have lived away from home for the last 6 years, somehow it always falls to me to redecorate the house. I have painted the kitchen, dining room, VP's room (Vicky Pollard aka Christina Chan), the flat above the shop, the hallway and landing twice and the living room twice.

This has meant that I have never felt the slightest inclination to redecorate my own room. It is still the same magnolia as when I first moved in. Now that I'm bored and unemployable and with time on my hands, what colour should I paint my room?

Off to the big smoke tomorrow to squander my time on an interview and schmoozing with recruiters. Will be back in Cullompton very soon no doubt.

Cullompton *big thumbs up*

After a million hours sleep and travelling up and down from London over the past few weeks, I am happy to be home. Very strange.

Now, I have a question:
to be or not to be... a lesbian

After someone told me that they could imagine me being a lesbian more than one male friend to be gay, despite him really being gay, I discussed the possibility of my gayness with a few friends.

We concluded that I could very well be gay because:
a) I don't wear much make-up
b) I often wear jeans
c) I've never tried it

So, on my lesbian 'to-do' list as it were
a) Charlotte 'Ho' Church
b) Eva Herzigova

Ladies, if you are ever in Cullompton...