Holiday Snob

I've always been a massive holiday snob. It has to be exotic. It has to have amazing food. It has to have seriously breathtaking scenery.

But now I'm a mum and things change. I need:
1) stuff to keep the boys entertained. If they are totally knackered that is a huge. No, a HUGE bonus.
2) a place that doesn't require me to change the boys' schedule, e.g. Easily accessible food!
3) little need to do chores
4) 2 chances to nap a day
5) sparkling wine
6) red and white (wine)
7) cheese
8) cured meats
9) a massage
10) a bathtub
11) marshmallows on a fork (toasted on a log fire, a must)

That is all. If you have idyllic suggestions, I'm all ears.