Losing Control (and then finding it again)

We always knew that coming home would be hard. However, I hadn't anticipated the shit stack of things to do, so much so that I was left feeling super overwhelmed for a couple of weeks. I'm a doer so I just get my head down and tick the things off the list. Until now. For the first time since the boys were tiny, The sea of tasks coming at me just felt too much. In the early days of the boys, it was exhaustion and endless crying. With this move, it was more the multitude of things that needed to be done yesterday.

We were ridiculously unlucky too. Firstly, we got bollocked at border control for essentially bringing in two illegal immigrants. Surely my British boys don't need to prove they're British! Apparently coming in on American parents with two British sounding parents isn't enough. 'If they were adults, we'd be sending them back now,' we were told. Oops. So off we trotted to the passport agency the very next day to get them their new British passports.

And then our boiler broke. So the boys were perpetually cold and are only just getting over their colds. And so I wasted a couple of days trying to get them a doctor's appointment - after having to register them, of course, and filling in reams of paperwork.

And then I got sick. As in, so sick I would normally have been in bed for a few days sick. It was like my body finally gave up. This last year has been too much and it said, 'enough! Time to recuperate!' It's amazing that I've only really been sick for one morning up until now, in spite of carrying twins, having them spend over two weeks in intensive care, the sleep deprivation, the GI issues they had as tiny babies, and then an international move. My body just broke down amongst the chaos of our lives right now.

The last few days, things have normalised. I watched tv for the first time since moving home. I have food in the freezer, which I can defrost if need be. I can run upstairs to get more if I need loo roll. Things are normal again.

But I still feel like I'm on holiday. Like I'll be going home soon. But as the Boy pointed out, it's good that I feel like I'm on holiday, because it must mean I'm starting to enjoy it. And he's right.